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Yeah...[ Mabel rubs her arm a little, looking away. She's trying so hard not to think about it, about what he looked like and what Henry did, but it's not something she can just force from her thoughts. It's just there. There and making her stomach feel queasy.

She frowns, her hands balling up at her sides. She's not really mad at him, not yet. For all she knows some monster who lost control (like she almost did) attacked him, but... ]

What the heck even happened?

[He hesitates and looks down again, his grip on his bag tightening as if that will make this any easier to talk about.]

Someone... someone I knew was in trouble. He couldn't defend himself. I had to try and buy him some time.

[And yet Rin had died anyway.]

[ She can understand wanting to protect someone important. Heck, she'd jump in front of an angry monster if it meant saving Dipper. But... ]

Why didn't you run away with him? Or run after he got a head start?

Because I couldn't have been sure it would work - he was injured already, he wouldn't have been able to move very fast. I just had to be sure he would be able to get away, whatever...

[His voice comes dangerously close to choking off there, but he forces himself to keep talking, doesn't let himself move his free hand to his stomach as if to check and make sure that the wound is really gone. He knows how to keep his voice steady, how to avoid telegraphing his thoughts.]

Whatever happened.

But what about you?

[ Part of it is just her being unable to put the pieces together right in her head. Because selfless act or no, she can't figure out why he would just sacrifice himself completely. Plus, it's hard to picture someone being in a situation that's impossible to escape from. She thinks there had to have been a way out, a way to save both himself and his friend. ]

[If there was a way out for both of them, he sure couldn't see it at the time. But he hadn't hesitated with the one option he felt he did have. It had seemed like the obvious thing to do to him.

He doesn't respond immediately. He knows that what he's going to say, what he has to say, isn't going to be well-received. But it's something that he has to try to explain. He's got to try to get her to understand.]

What happened to me wasn't important.

Wh--

[ Okay, now that takes the 'what the actual H E double hockey sticks is going on' cake. Up until then, Mabel had at understood what was going on, at least a little. It hadn't made complete sense, but at least it seemed...somewhat logical. Like when adults explain things you don't get but you can tell they know what they're talking about.

This doesn't make any sense to her, though. None at all. ]

What do you mean it wasn't important? Of course it was!

No. It wasn't then and it isn't now. [There's no less conviction in his voice than there was a moment ago; whether what he's saying makes sense to Mabel or not, he sure doesn't see anything unreasonable about it.

After all, his life has never mattered, even before he ended up somewhere where death doesn't last.]

[ This just...doesn't compute. It doesn't compute at all, and Mabel's face scrunches up in thought while she tries to reason through it. Because she just doesn't get it. Ginko's someone she looks up to. He's helpful, cool, and he knows a lot about stuff (or seems to.) He's even a doctor! Well...kinda? He patched her up okay, anyway, even if the bite on her shoulder is scarred over and ugly, now, because she didn't take care of it properly.

The point is, Ginko is someone she relies on. Someone she had been sure made good decisions. Someone she could go to whenever she needed help. And yet...calm, level headed Ginko is saying this kind of stuff? Like he doesn't matter or something? What the heck.

Mabel opens her mouth to say something and then closes it again. She shakes her head firmly and crosses her arms, looking upset and confused and maybe a little angry. ]

It does to! It matters all the way! Every bit of matter is going on up in here, because you're important, Ginko!

[He lets out a quiet sound, more a sigh than a laugh, and tilts his head forward a little more, staring at the ground. She has no idea. There's no way she could, of course, he's got a good few years' worth of experience behind how he thinks.

He knows that people often don't like it, on the rare occasions that they figure it out. He's not particularly surprised by that anymore - for that matter, it's part of why he's tried to edge around the subject so much, even now.]

I'm flattered that you think so, really, but... no, I'm not.

You are! [ The leaves on her tail bristle as she gets more worked up. ] If you hadn't been around...I never would have gotten bandaged up after Dipper--You even came to check up on us!

[ He's like unofficial family. They haven't known each other for super long, but he's still done so much for her and her brother. ]

How can you not think you're important?

[He shrugs - it's not much, a slight lift and fall of his shoulders.] Because I'm not. It doesn't have anything to do with what I have or haven't done. It's just... what I am.

[He's talking half to himself now, brow furrowing as he stares downward.] Doing what I can won't make my life suddenly more significant. All I can really do is try, but... when it comes down to it, it won't change anything. I was never meant to be important to anyone to begin with.

Yeah you were. [ Mabel isn't one to get angry easily, but she can feel it bubbling up. Why is he being such a debbie downer? ] Everyone's meant to be important to someone! That's how the world works!

[ Unless you're evil, and Ginko is definitely not that. ]

You're important to me! And Dipper! And probably a lot of other people, too.

I shouldn't be. It's not how things were ever supposed to go for me. [The calm conviction that he had been showing all this time is gradually becoming a little less calm, more insistent and frustrated. He doesn't know how to explain this to people, he's never had to before.]

I was never supposed to stay anywhere this long, it's not how things were supposed to be. If I even try to get close to people it can only end badly for them - that hasn't changed, it never will. [And this just goes to prove it, as far as he's concerned. His occasional visits with Tanyuu and Adashino back home, yearly meetings with Isaza - that's the most he was ever supposed to have, after all.]

[ she doesn't get what he means, when he says he isn't supposed to stay in one place long, but one thing is clear, at least to Mabel; he thinks she shouldn't care. He thinks she shouldn't be upset that he died or sad that she saw the aftermath of his fight or anything. This fact is not just frustrating, but it hits her really hard for a number of reasons, because if she's not supposed to care...what about him? Does he not care about her? At all?

It's the straw that breaks the camels back, that thought. Because Mabel hasn't properly dealt or come to terms with anything since she ended up in rota. She hasn't dealt with dipper attacking her or having to sacrifice a virgin or fining her great uncle dead in a junkyard, where he had been left to be food for the vultures. She hasn't dealt with the monster thing or forgetting her life or having to diebecause of a hunger she couldn't control. A hunger she can still feel faintly in her stomach.

She just shoved it all down, stuffed it deep inside so she could smile and laugh and joke around without worrying anyone. So she could pretend. But she can't stuff this down and when she tries it all comes up, bubbling to the surface, sticking to her throat and pricking at the corners of her eyes. ]

Stop it! Stop saying that stuff! You're like--[ she gestures vaguely as she tries to vocalize just what he is to her. Friend is too little. It's more than that, like he's--]--like my family! Like my dad away from dad!

[ it's then the tees really star and she knows she's being silly but she can't hold them back anymore. ] People love you!

[ but she feels stupid saying it all out loud, the stuff about famIly. She feels like she's just gone and jumped to weird conclusions like she always does, because why would he think the same? She's just some kid he helped out a few times, it's stupid of her to think that was anything more than kindness.

Mabel buries her nose into the neck of her scarf, pulls her arms into her sweater, and sits down to pull her legs to her chest. She's going right on into sweater town, because she feels like a little kid throwing a tantrum over something she shouldn't. ]

[He winces a little and glances up at the word "family", ears flicking with surprise and some guilt. He doesn't know why people keep saying things like that - the idea was hard to swallow even with Henry, and then he already had a bunch of fake memories courtesy of the Fog God trying to convince him of it. It just doesn't feel possible, however much he may want it to.

And then it sinks in that she's crying, and he doesn't know why, and the whole point of this was to try and keep her from being upset.]

Wait-- Mabel...

[He leaves his bag on the bench and moves to kneel down in front of her, lifting his hands slightly but... well, he doesn't know what to do now. His tail twists anxiously, curling around until it's lying across his lap, and his hands drop to let his fingers curl in the thick fur on the end.]

...I'm sorry. I... [He shoves one hand through his hair, not caring that the motion leaves his left eye exposed.] ...I don't know how to explain this. It's not fair to you to have to... to deal with it.

[With him. That's at the center of it, really - he does care about her. No matter how hard he may try to keep his distance, he's never been much good at it - but it's for that reason that he doesn't want her worrying about him. She shouldn't have to.]

[ She curls into herself a little more, and her tail wraps closer to her, the leaves covering her shoes. It's weird, to be crying about what happened to him and everything else, too. It's so much, and all she wants to do is shove it all down and never think about it again. ]

It's not you, I--[ It is him, a little. Or more specifically the fact that she found him dead, and he doesn't seem to think his life has value. But it's not just him, and she feels it's important for him to know that, even if she has no idea how to deal with everything. ]

I just didn't want to find someone else I care about dead. [ She buries her head into the neck of her sweater a little more. ]

[...What has even been happening to this poor child. He probably shouldn't pry, but... he's really bad at not getting into other people's business. And if this wasn't the first time it happened, well, that just makes him feel worse about the whole thing.] Someone else?

[ She's quiet, really quiet, for a long time. She doesn't look at him, she just sniffs and tries to breathe normally, find a way to once again shove her emotions deep down inside.

When she finally speaks up, her voice is soft but stretched thin, like it takes all her effort to force the words out.]

Grunkle Stan. He died in Rota, I guess, and...I found him in the junkyard.

[Oh god. Dipper had mentioned Stan being missing, but... Ginko never had found out what happened there.]

...I'm sorry.

[He doesn't even know what else to say to that. At this point, he's not sure that anything he says won't just make things worse.]

It's okay. He's okay now.

[ But her voice cracks when she says it, because it's not okay and no amount of sequins and glitter made it any better. ]

[His frown deepens. She clearly doesn't actually believe that.]

...If it bothers you, you don't have to pretend that it doesn't.

Yeah, but--

[ She bites her lip and shrugs and motions vaguely with her hands. ]

I can't just act all mopey. Everyone's--everything's so different, now. It's hard for everyone, you know? So I can't be sad, I have to cheer everyone else up.

[...Oh, god. This poor kid actually thinks it's her responsibility to keep everyone happy through this crap? Ginko gives a quiet sigh, one ear flicking slightly.]

Mabel, trying to force yourself to be happy, with everything that's happening... you really don't need to do that. There's nothing wrong with letting yourself be upset. If you try to pretend that you aren't, you're only going to make things worse for yourself. And people are going to notice.

[Look who's talking.]

[ She knows, logically, that he's right. It's only making all the stuff she's shoved down make her feel worse and worse. It's weighing her down and tiring her out. Just look at how she lost it a few minutes ago, that's proof enough.

But her heart overrides her mind, and even though the truth is in his words, she still feels like it is her job. She's always loved making people's days, turning their frowns upside down. But Ryslig is different. It's not just romance drama or family feuds. It's serious, and she has her own baggage she's been avoiding.

She shakes her head. ]

...How can I let myself be sad, if everyone around me is all gunked up with emotional biz? I can't just. I can't ignore it. I'll never be happy again if the people I care about are having a hard time.

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onegreeneye - 2015-07-28 17:31 (UTC) - Expand

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